As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in spectacularly stupid ways. The following are the 1999 potential Award candidates:
In September in Detroit, a 41-year old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
In October, a 49-year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned out when he ran," according to his wife,
accidentally jogged off a 200-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Buston, NC, a man died on a beach when an 8-foot deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom when it collapsed burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks,
used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
local hospital.
In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, California, as he fell face first through the ceiling of a
bike shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free)
rammed into the base of his skull s he hit the floor.
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Shelbyville, Delaware, as he won a bet with friends who said he
would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on
collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
In Guthrie, Oklahoma, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole, and hit his pal Antonio
Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
In October, in Elyria, Ohio, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out some cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom
in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, New Jersey, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a
quarter stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to
toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.
AND THE FIRST RUNNER-UP IS:
Paderborn, Germany.....Overzealous zoo-keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of
animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly
and suffocated the zoo-keeper under 200 pounds of pure elephant poop. Investigators say that the ill-fated Friedrich, 46,
was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck
full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked poor Friedrich to the ground, where he struck
his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn Police detective, Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before
a watchman came along, and during that time, the keeper suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen.
Date sent: 16-MAY-2000 11:16:44